Last week I posted a song by Harry Nilsson called “Without Her.” I’ve been on a quest to rediscover Nilsson’s music. I was trying to explain to Amanda who Nilsson was and I started singing some of his songs. She recognized almost all of them, and had a particular fondness for “Coconut.” But as we were browsing around YouTube to find the song, we came upon this GENIUS Muppet version of it. All weekend long we kept singing, “To relieve this flipper ache, I said DOCTOR!” Hilarious!
Monday the 11th – NANNY STATE GONE WILD! – Who was it that coined the famous quote “I Hate Mondays.” Oh yeah! It was Garfield the cat! Well, I know what he means. I was up early on a Monday morning and I was off once again to Buzzy’s Recording in Hollywood. It was time to do yet another session for “The Garfield Show.” It’s always a great time! But almost as if to ruin my “high,” on the way home I reached over to turn my cell phone on and a motorcycle cop pulled up on my right side. He gave a hand signal for me to pull over. Surely he wouldn’t give me a cell phone ticket for just turning on my phone. But that’s exactly what he did. (I learned from my previous seatbelt ticket experience, and reached into my glove compartment while I was still driving and pulled out my registration and insurance information. That way the officer wouldn’t see the cases of bullets in my glove compartment and think I was some kind of felon.) I told him to check my phone log and he would see that I wasn’t on a call, but he said just by “manipulating” my cell phone I was in violation of the intrusive “don’t use your cell phone while driving” law. I explained that my phone is an old fashioned flip phone and in order to turn it on I needed to flip it open. But it did no good. He even altered the ticket to show that I wasn’t actually talking or texting on it, I was just “manipulating” it. I wonder if manipulating a soft drink into my mouth, or manipulating my sunglasses on to my face, or manipulating my radio to change stations was a distraction too. But that’s not against the law. I tell ya, when a government entity starts interfering to that extent in a person’s freedom, the smell of revolt permeates the air. How much longer are we “free citizens” going to put up with these intrusive “nanny” laws the government burdens us with? I hope not for long before sanity returns to civilization. I got lunch and headed home. I changed clothes and got ready for “The Tonight Show” taping. But as if the stupid cell phone ticket wasn’t enough, the vet’s office called and said that Sassie’s ashes had come into their office. It had been two weeks on the nose. I burst out in tears again. Just the finality of the whole thing hit me. Even though I knew she was gone, this time she really WAS gone. I know that sounds weird, but I think you know what I mean. But the day got better. I got to “TTS” and that always cheers me up. On the way home I got a call from my pal Dan Roebuck and we met for dinner at DuPar’s. We talked over dinner for about 3 hours! Then he came over to Planet Wallywood to check out my new displays. So my horrible Monday wasn’t a horrible loss.
Tuesday the 12th – GARFIELD TWO-SDAY! – I was up early for yet another Garfield session. I was very careful this day not to “manipulate” my phone at all while I was driving. (rolls eyes) I wonder how our fine police department REALLY feels about having to give out these bullshot tickets. I’m sure they would rather be stopping REAL criminals, but our stupid politicians make them do silly stuff. I feel sorry for the police, and I feel disdain for politicians. No really, I’m starting to think that ALL politicians are nuts and should be run out of town on a rail. I don’t care what party affiliation they have, they are all corrupt, money-hungry psychos that need to be retired from political life. Anyway, I digress. The Garfield session was great, as we did the majority of the stuff on Monday. So it was a fairly short day. The past couple of days I’ve been craving tuna sandwiches, so I picked up another one on the way home today. I got a short nap and then went to “TTS” for the taping. I headed over to the pharmacy afterwards and picked up a prescription that is supposed to open my breathing passages, which hopefully will take down the painful inflammation in my right sinus. It’s getting better, but slowly. I also picked up a few grocery items and then grabbed a quick evening nap. I did my auditions and sent them to my agents via e-mail. Then I watched one of the final episodes of “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” I was in the fourth season and that was all the show went for. I got to bed fairly early to be up for another early gig in Santa Monica the next morning.
Wednesday the 13th – BIG RELEASE DAY! – I was up early and headed out on the 101 freeway to the famous 405 freeway. I needed to get to POP Studios in Santa Monica to do a commercial for a new videogame. Remember last week when I got that audition I almost forgot, then got a call-back for it on Saturday? Well, I booked it, so it was all worth while. I can’t tell you what it’s for, but the character voice I auditioned with wasn’t what they wanted. That’s right, the voice I did in the audition wasn’t right, but they hired me anyway. Wild! So together with the producer, we ran the character’s lines in a variety of voices. We tried Al Pacino’s “Scarface” character, a Mexican bandito, a Russian, Clint Eastwood, all sorts of different things. But after a short break, when the producer played the choices for his superiors on the phone, he settled on the gruff Russian voice. We started the session and worked for about an hour. There were lots of shouted lines, and I could feel my vocal chords starting to strain. I was worried about my next session for the IVR gig, as well as my “TTS” gig later. But just in the nick of time, we completed the session and I was on my way out. I got home to change clothes (the session was very active and I sweat a bit), and head to the IVR session I’ve been doing since February. The producer told me at the session that I can NOW release the news about who I’ve been working for all these months. Ladies and gentlemen I’m proud to announce that I am the new interactive phone voice for….US AIRWAYS! Correct! Whenever you call the US Airways phone line to make a reservation or check on a flight, you’ll be talking to me. The new software this company has created makes it sound like I’m really on the line. It’s wild! The producer said everyone is VERY happy with how all of our worked turned out! The had about 3 pages of things for me to record, and when we finished that up in about a half hour I was on my way home. I had thought about a photo shoot I had done back in 2002 with Sassie at a place in Studio City that specialized in photos of people with their pets. I bought a few enlargements of a black and white print of Sassie and I. Well now that she’s gone, I wanted to contact the photog and buy the negatives for all the pictures. But he said that his studio suffered a water pipe break awhile back and he had lost a lot of the negatives he had in his studio. And he hadn’t backed them up in any format…digital, contact sheet, proofs, anything. To say I was irritated was an understatement. I mean, what kind of professional lets this happen? Furthermore, at the time, he wouldn’t sell me the negatives. Had he sold them to me, they would have still been safe in my possession. He mentioned that he still is shooting on film and does not intend to do anything on digital in the future. So he hasn’t learned from this travesty and is still setting himself up for future disaster. I told him I most likely would never pay a photographer who wouldn’t give me a back-up on CD or a flash drive. And he just laughed and said, “I’m a dinosaur.” You sure are, pal. You sure are. My agent called with a last minute audition at Kalmenson and Kalmenson, so I hopped in the Torino and drove over. My pal Harv Kalmenson came out to look the car over and was amazed. When I got on-line during the taping of “TTS,” I noticed that Warner has now released the trailer featuring The Riddler for the upcoming Arkham City game. It looks amazing! I’m very excited for this game to come out as I feel it’s going to revolutionize the industry! So aside from the “dinosaur” photog, this day was filled with good news! After the taping I met with a realtor who came to look my house over. I’ve been toying with buying a bigger house to accommodate my ever-growing collection of stuff. We talked for about an hour and I learned a lot about what it would take ti move on up to another house. While it’s not a priority right now, it’s good to keep it in the back of my mind. My pal Edi came over to do some work and then we had dinner. I did my auditions and e-mailed them to my agent, and then watched the final episode of “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” on DVD. You could tell by the fourth and final season that they were winding down on ideas. They had started season 1 with a serious spy show in black & white, then second season it lightened up a bit with color, the third season was trying to compete with “Batman” on TV so it got silly (it was my favorite season!), and the fourth season (which was only a half season) seemed to get back to the more serious direction of season 2. But by then I think it was too late. So now I’m moving on to “Mannix” season 5!
Thursday the 14th – RICKLES TICKLES! – I got to sleep in for the first time in a long time and it felt great. I thought there may be more US Airways stuff to record, but they called and said to stay home since they didn’t have any more copy to record this week. The guy from Make It Work came over to see why my automatic back-up on my computer wasn’t working. I had to leave him in the care of my assistant Sara while I took off for “TTS.” It was a beautiful day so I hopped on the bicycle and biked over to NBC. What a great ride! And what a great show! Don Rickles was on and he always slays me! I biked back home and just a few blocks from my house I saw a lady walking a sheltie with the same coloring Sassie had. So we stopped to talk for awhile, and I got to meet Shane the sheltie. Nice doggie! My friend Brittney Powell came over for awhile, and later Sara and I went to Li’l Toni’s for dinner. I got a call from Chuck McCann and Fred Westbrook telling me that they were at a place in Toluca Lake having coffee. So Sara and I went over to say hi. There weren’t many people on the patio to start, but slowly and surely it became more populated with 20-something kids. Some were wearing t-shirts displaying the name of a local film school. I found out that they were all students at the school who were learning about acting, directing, writing, producing, etc. So I immediately started talking to a few of the guys and asked them if they knew Chuck McCann. I was determined for them to know who he was, since he could be an invaluable source of information, wisdom and experience for their young, thirsty minds. Pretty soon the word spread through the restaurant and we were surrounded by nice young creative types, wanting to know all about Chuck (and my) experiences in the entertainment industry. It was great, and I could tell that Chuck was having a great time sharing his wisdom. But it was getting late so I headed home to record my auditions and start in on “Mannix” season 5!
Friday the 15th – FRIDAY AT LAST! – I woke up early to meet up again with the guy from Make It Work. My back-up system still wasn’t working very well and he was going to come over and take another look. Plus the A/C guy came to look at my system and make sure it would run for another month or so. That’s when I would be upgrading to an entirely new system. It was a very busy morning. Shortly after noon I headed off to a videogame session. I can’t tell you which videogame, but they’ve been working on this for about two years. It’s always great to see the crew working on this game, so when I finished my session we all sat around and chatted. But it was time to head out for home and then “TTS.” I did another quick change (I wear sleeveless shirts for animation and videogame sessions so they don’t pick up sleeve noise on the microphones because I’m very physical when I do those types of sessions) I put on a nice shirt and got over to NBC for the final show of the week. Award winning actor Bryan Cranston from ‘Breaking Bad” was the guest. His parents are friends of mine from church, and his dad is especially awesome. First of all, Bryan looks a LOT like his dad Joe. I was telling Patrick the audio mixer for “TTS” about how cool Bryan’s parents are, and just as I finished my point the commercial break was over and Jay introduced Bryan. The first thing out of Jay’s mouth was a story about how great Bryan’s dad is! What are the chances! That’s great! I just laughed! When I got home I was pretty exhausted from the busy week. For the first time in three weeks, I walked out my front door, and down the sidewalk to the grassy area where I used to take Sassie to do her business. I had been avoiding walking those familiar steps but I figured today I would try it. Looking over the grassy area I could picture Sassie standing there looking around as the breeze blew her long collie hair around. Sometimes she would eat some blades of grass to settle her stomach. I remembered the times that I would have her stay, and then come to me on command. I started to get very sad again so I went inside and laid down on the couch for a quick nap. My friend Amanda came over later that night and she helped me get stuff together for the big Hollywood Collector’s Show the next day. It was one of those shows where you walk around to the celebrities’ tables and get signed autographs. I always looked forward to those and this was going to be a great pick-me-up. I also got on-line and found a great engraver who could do laser burned wood signs. I designed a memorial sign for Sassie that I’m going to put out in front of my house. I have a little square of soil there that’s covered with white rocks and a cactus was planted in it. But the cactus grew wild and ugly and I had it removed. So I’m taking out all the rocks, digging up the dirt and planting some nice grass there. I’ll have the memorial sign posted in what I’ll call “Sassie’s Grassy.” Amanda and I took a dip in the jacuzzi and then hit DuPar’s for some late dinner.
Saturday the 16th – CARMAGEDDON! – Today was the day a portion of the famous 405 freeway, the busiest freeway in the entire world, would be shut down. The news had been talking about it for weeks and how it was going to be “Carmageddon.” But the truth is, everybody was so scared off by the hype, they stayed home. The surrounding freeways were actually pretty good and weren’t overburdened by the residual traffic. That was good to hear. Sara, Amanda and I went over to the Hollywood show with my bag of stuff to get signed in tow. We met up with my pal Ruben Procopio, the amazing sculptor and artist, my webmaster and pal Scott Sebring, Ben Bentley, who had just flown in from the U.K. days earlier, my friend Kassandra and her brother Derek who was visiting from Ireland, and my pal Edi and her son Josh. It was Ben’s birthday today so it was extra special! Edi had always wanted to meet Barbara Eden, who was there at the show. So they took a great picture together. Scott got the chance to don his Phantom costume again to pose with Billy Zane. I reminded Billy that I was the guy he saw a week ago in the red and white Gran Torino. He said he was going to yell something at me but was with his wife and baby. I told him I was going to talk to him over the Torino’s P.A. system, but I didn’t want to irritate or embarrass him. I had him sign my two Phantom tunics that were used in the movie. I also had him sign my Blu Ray cover of “The Phantom.” He hadn’t seen it before and was surprised to hear it was on Blu Ray. I saw Richard Anderson and had him sign my “Six Million Dollar Man” DVD boxed set. Since the box was so bulky, I had my assistant Sara take the box back to my car so I didn’t have to lug it around all day at the show. She returned and said she had the weirdest experience. As she walked to the car, she kept hearing somebody say “Steve” “Steve.” “Steve.” She wasn’t sure what it was but it was weird. Then she realized that the DVD box has a voice chip in it that plays the opening monologue from the show. But because the lid of the box kept opening and closing, and opening and closing, the voice chip kept repeating. The whole monologue starts out with a voice-over guy saying “Steve Austin. Astronaut. A man barely alive.” Too funny! Then we all went to the Daily Grill next door for lunch. When we were finished we headed back to the show. My friend Stella Stevens was there for a “Poseidon Adventure” reunion. I told her a funny story about how, at the Garfield session a week ago, Gregg “Odie” Berger was talking to somebody about how when he was a kid he developed a crush on Stella’s character in the original “Nutty Professor” film. He said, “She was my girlfriend, but she didn’t know it.” So I had Stella sign a sexy photo from the movie to Gregg with the inscription, “To Gregg. I DID know I was your girlfriend. Love Stella Stevens.” I can’t wait to give it to him at the next Garfield session! Sara had a great time meeting Ed Asner. He’s a great guy! When she asked if she could get her photo with him he said, “Get your little ass over here.’ It was hilarious! Amanda was beside herself getting to meet John Schneider, whom she kept talking about all weekend long! I got to meet Sherry Jackson, who’s just as lovely as she was when I saw her in the Peter Gunn movie on the CBS Late Movie all those years ago. We wrapped up our business at the autograph show and headed over to Fry’s to buy some equipment for my computer. My guy from Make It Work suggested I buy a battery back-up for my computer, which is like a power strip. But it has an internal battery that will keep whatever’s plugged into it going for about an hour, in the event of a power outage. He also suggested I buy a few extra external hard-drives. He said the problem with my back-up system is that it was full. It’s not supposed to fill up, but it’s only supposed to back-up the new documents I’ve recently added to my system. So something was definitely wrong, but it’s fixed now. While we were at Fry’s I suggested we go to the Blu Ray section and see if we could pick up a copy of “The Phantom” for Billy Zane. We found one and Scott and Ben went back to the Hollywood show and gave it to him as our gift. After we got our stuff settled at home, we all went for dinner at Ernie’s Taco House. Since we were fearing the worse with “Carmageddon,” I cancelled the usual Saturday night movie night so people didn’t have to brave the potential traffic snarls. I got back home, took a dip in the jacuzzi, had a quick nap, then went to get some take-out food at Denny’s and settled in to watch another episode of “Mannix.”
Sunday the 17th – SUNDAY SHOOTING! – I slept late and got a good rest. My pal and contractor Terry came over to do some work. He’s going to help me design my Sassie’s Grassy area. Later in the evening we went to church, and then out to eat. I took Terry and Amanda to the range to do a little target shooting. I shot a few times with my Walther PPK-S (in stainless steel) but it started jamming. It almost seemed like it didn’t like the ammo. But the range attendant came in to help unjam it, and he said it needed oiled badly. So we put the PPK-S away and shot the other guns we had brought. I think this week I’m going to take several of my guns in to a gunsmith and have them oiled and cleaned really well. I did an audition and sent it to my agent, then I hit the hay to get ready for another Monday at Buzzy’s for “The Garfield Show!”
And how was YOUR week??!!!
Pics from the Week
Billy Zane and Wally
Sara and Ed Asner
Amanda and John Schneider
