Well, you knew I couldn’t resist. I’m leaving this week for Memphis, TN on a long-anticipated trip to Graceland…the home of Elvis Presley. And I just can’t seem to get this song out of my head!
Monday the 11th – 23 DAYS??!! – I slept in but when I got up I called AAA to see about registering my out of state Gran Torino in the state of California. As you may remember, I bought a 1974 Gran Torino painted up to look like the car from “Starsky & Hutch,” and owning one is a dream I’ve had since I was a kid. I found the right builder, the right car and the right circumstances and I bought it. It’s coming down from Spokane, Washington and I also needed to arrange transportation. The lady at AAA was very helpful, so I’m counting on seeing her when the car gets into town. Then I e-mailed the car transportation place and the e-mail the lady sent me said it would take “23 days” to get from Spokane to Los Angeles. 23 days? Really? I told her I was disappointed that it wouldn’t be here in time for Halloween. I couldn’t imagine why it would take 23 days to only come from Spokane. I could walk up to Spokane and pull it home with my teeth in under 23 days. She wrote back and apologized. Come to find out it was actually 2-3 days, not 23. She forgot to put the all important dash in the middle of the numbers. Well! That seemed more palatable! So I arranged for transpo and it’ll be on its way here next week! I did the “Tonight Show” taping, all went well and I came home to relax.
Tuesday the 12th – PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! – Sorry to come off as rude, but there’s a point to this story. I got called in early to NBC to do a comedy bit for “TTS.” It involved the story about football player Brett Favre sending photos of his naughty bits to a reporter. Well, the clever writers at “TTS” had me do a disclaimer, similar to the NFL disclaimer you hear during games. You know, the one that say something like “blah blah blah without the express written consent of the NFL blah blah blah…” Anyway, it was a brilliantly written parody of that well known diatribe, but changed to reflect how and when the pictures of Brett Favre’s penis could be used. I laughed. A lot! Here I was, getting to say penis on a national TV network. Wow! That’s not something everybody gets to do every day. After I did the bit I went to grab lunch and shop around at It’s a Wrap. I came back to NBC at my usual time and was sitting around in the audio bay waiting for the show to start. I was killing time reading Time magazine, and I heard a tapping on the glass. I looked up and it was Jay himself knocking on the door and waving. I waved back and laughed. What a cool guy! The musical guest that night was the legendary Johnny Mathis. First I got to say penis on national TV, now I get to introduce Johnny Mathis in the show open! Could this job get any better??!! At the end of the show the director decided to change one word in the opening, so I stayed after the taping and re-recorded it. On the first pass I stumbled over some words and had to do it again. The assistant director Amy said, ‘That’s the first mistake you’ve made!” Liz the director chimed in, “The second.” (referring to a brain fart I had a few months ago with the name of a band.) We all laughed and I said, “Thanks for remembering that, Liz! Am I going to have to put the Vulcan mind meld on you to make you forget about that?” (Liz, like myself, is a huge Star Trek fan so we’re always joking around with inside “Trek” nonsense.) What a great staff. I sure do enjoy working with that crew! That night my friends Joe and Zandra met me for dinner. They had just seen a taping of “Dancing with the Stars.” We met at Little Toni’s for Italian food, and were joined by my friends Cher and Sara. When I got home I took a quick dip in the jacuzzi. I saw something flit about in the light of the jacuzzi. It was a Praying Mantis flying around. He walked to the edge of the jacuzzi, but I warned him not to get too close, because he might fall in. I think he was looking for a drink. I love Praying Mantis’. The way they cock their head is cool, almost like they’re trying to listen to you. He flitted off and soon I saw him take a dive into the main pool. I leaped out of the jacuzzi and scooped him out before he drowned. I put him on the deck and let him dry off. Given the fact that I had just seen Johnny Mathis that afternoon at “TTS,” I decided to call my new friend…(drum roll please)…Johnny Mantis! (I know, I know.)
Wednesday the 13th – I HEARD YOU SAY PENIS! – I talked to my dad to see how everyone was doing and asked him if he caught “TTS” the night before. Figuring he would say something about enjoying Johnny Mathis’ version of “Crazy,” the first thing he said was, “Yeah, I heard you talking about Brett Favre’s penis.” HA HA HA! Of all the things I’ve said and done in my career, and my dad mentions THAT! I laughed hard. I started the day by going to Voicecasters for an audition, then I went to Studiopolis to do some voice work on “Bleach.” But I was early so I took my car to the car wash to get it washed and gassed up. I made it back in time and did a few hours in the studio. I finished up and grabbed a quick lunch. Today was the day that Harrison Ford would be on the show. My pals Sara and Edi met me at 2:30 and I drove them over to the Guest Relations building to get their tickets. I met up with my friend Ron Chaney (grandson of Lon Chaney Jr., great grandson of Lon Chaney Sr.) and his daughter Jacklynn. They were in town and I invited them to a taping. Ron told me that it was almost 41 years to the day that his grandpa Lon Chaney Jr. went on “TTS’ with Johnny Carson. How weird is that??!! I got them seated and went in to do my work. During the opening, Jay came out with a miner’s helmet and sunglasses on. He put the helmet on Sara’s head, and put the sunglasses on Edi. How cool is that?! Sara gave the helmet back, but Edi kept the sunglasses! There were some cute dogs on the show in Halloween costumes, and one of the dogs was dressed as Indiana Jones. I wanted to make a point of being in the hallway when Mr. Ford passed by, since he’s not one but TWO icons! Just coming offstage were the doggies. I loved seeing them and petting them, and then along comes Harrison Ford. He stopped the lady holding the dog with the Indy costume on and said, “Can I see that? If it’s licensed then I get a piece of it.” We all laughed and she offered the costume to him to wear on stage. I said, “You should at least wear the hat!” They don’t get much bigger and better than Harrison Ford! A nice, gentle, humble guy! That night it was a HUGE dinner party at Jerry’s Famous Deli. In addition to my “TTS” guests, we were joined by Bruce Kulick and his girlfriend Lisa, and KISS drummer Eric Singer. I gave one of my “Lon Chaney For Dummies” books to Eric to give to Gene Simmons, a Chaney fan. Eric enjoyed talking to Ron, and Ron signed the book for Gene. We also talked a lot about cars, since Eric is also a classic car fan. He gave me all sorts of advice about where to take my Torino for servicing once it’s in town. What a fun night!
Thursday the 14th – OWWWW! –The past few months I’ve had pains in my legs and lower back and tailbone area. I’m starting to thing that something’s not right with my posture, or I pinched something. I was aching badly today. I took some Advil and went to “TTS.” Afterwards I hit the post office to mail some things, and my box to check for mail. That night I napped and slipped off into the jacuzzi again. Good thing I was seeing my chiropractor Friday!
Friday the 15th – ARE YOU SURE IT’S NOT FRIDAY THE 13TH?! – What a lousy day this started out to be. First, I got up early because Sassie had an appointment to have her teeth cleaned. Her breath had been pretty bad and she was due. But the way she likes to ride in the car is to have the top down. I got to the garage, opened the garage door (or at least tried) but it wouldn’t open. Come to find out a spring broke and wouldn’t lift the door all the way. I lifted it by hand and pulled my car out. I started putting the top down and I heard a pop and the sound of glass cracking. Apparently something I had stashed in the area where my top sits when it’s down, was protruding. And when the motor took the top down it made contact and CRACK! My entire back window shattered! Aw nuts! I kept the top down so the broken glass wouldn’t spray all over my car and I got Sassie loaded into the car. I dropped her at the groomer’s to get her teeth cleaned, while I found two empty boxes and started working. I raised the top back up just a little bit so I could get to the junk in the back. In one box I place all of the items that were back there, first taking care to shake the broken glass off them. Then I started scooping the broken glass into the second box. But it was sharp, so the teeth cleaning people loaned me a pair of rubber gloves, and I went into the pet store and bought a dog food scoop. I scooped out the glass as best as I could and threw it all away in the dumpster. Sassie finished her cleaning and I took her home. Then I drove to the nearest car wash and had them vacuum the rest of the broken glass out of my car as best they could. I called my Ford dealer and they said replacing that was an expensive proposition. THE ENTIRE ROOF MAY NEED TO BE REPLACED! That costs a couple grand! I talked to an upholstery specialist (who strangely enough wasn’t in his shop that day…of ALL days!) and he said that sometimes the back window in a convertible is a separate piece. And if it was, I was lucky because it would be only that piece that needed to be replaced. I looked in my roof and sure enough…the piece of canvas with the glass was stapled on to something under the canvas of the roof! It looked like all he would have to do is detach a piece of trim, remove the back end of the roof, and he would have full access to that separate piece of canvas and glass. I think I may luck out on this! But I won’t know until he looks at it. Keep your fingers crossed! I kept the top down all day, and luckily the weather was nice. Overcast, but nice. There was talk of rain throughout the weekend though, so I needed to do something fast! I pulled up outside my garage and got out of the car to open the garage door by hand. When I walked in I noticed that there was a lot of leaves on the garage floor, so I grabbed a broom and swept them out. As I was hanging up the broom, a patrol guard for our complex came up to me and said, “Could you move your car out of the fire lane?” I explained that I was just sweeping leaves out of the garage and I was going to pull it in soon. He said I didn’t have to have attitude about it, and I cracked! I told him how I was sick of those patrol guys hassling everybody about being in the fire lane, especially since I was right here all the time. I asked him if he saw the freshly swept leaves outside my garage and “Sherlock’s” response was…”I see a lot of leaves.” Then he said I was being condescending. That was it! I took his name, his badge number and his patrol car. This was harassment and I was going to report it. What SHOULD he have done? Well, logic would dictate that when he saw my car parked outside my garage with the garage door open, she should have DRIVEN BY FIRST to see if there was anyone in the garage. If not, then get out and start his big scary patrolman routine. But if there WAS somebody in the garage, then just wave and move on. But this guy was total “little tin god” and wanted to be a big, scary patrolman. I believe he erred when he pulled up BEHIND my car and just assumed it was unattended. I immediately called our complex’s office, and the office lady agreed with me that he was in the wrong. Just for good measure, I also sent an e-mailed formal complaint. I called the patrol service a few times during the summer because of excessive noise at the pool, and I didn’t see them respond even once. Now this? Should I run for the Board of Directors so I can single-handedly start a campaign to fire this patrol service? Maybe. But after the day I had I was in no mood to be shoved around by a security patrol guy. Ugh. Later, I went to my chiropractor’s office and told him of the pains I had been experiencing. He put me on a motion table and worked my lower back. He said that there is indeed a bundle of nerves that go through the hip bone and tail bone areas that feed the lower part of the body. He showed me on a model of a spine. And if I wasn’t standing or walking properly, those nerves could be getting pinched. Awesome! At least now I know and I can do something about it. So I agreed to see him again Monday before my trip out of town. We taped “TTS” early today because everyone had planes to catch for the upcoming hiatus. One gal was going to Paris, my pal Dave at “TTS” was going to Cabo, and I was going to Memphis. I wished everyone a safe hiatus week. By the time I see them again, my Gran Torino will be here! That evening my pal Brittney Powell came over, and I took another dip in the jacuzzi. Then I napped for a bit on the couch, and spent the rest of the night doing stuff around the house.
Saturday the 16th – RUN RUN RUN! – My maids came over to clean Planet Wallywood, a garage door company came over to inspect my door for a possible replacement, and it started to sprinkle. It was determined that I didn’t have enough room on either side of my garage door for a sectional door, so I then called the repair shop. They were going to try and come out later that day and repair the damaged spring and hinges. But time was getting away and the sky looked like it was going to rain at any time. I went to Office Depot to get some file folders for my tax receipts (yes, it’s that time of year again!) and to find a large piece of clear vinyl I could put in my car’s back window. But when I got it to the car I realized it would not be large enough. So I went to the craft store and bought some fishing line and big needles. I went to the fabric store and found the perfect clear plastic that I needed. I got three yards of it, (plenty!) and headed home. The garage door guy had already come and gone and told me that the hardware all needed to be replaced. Perhaps it does, because since I’ve had the house it’s been the same old hardware. He’s going to come back Monday with an estimate of replacement. My pal Scott Sebring was at my house waiting for me, since he was in the area, and as I pulled in the maids were just finishing up. Perfect timing! Scott and I sat out in the garage with scissors, plastic sheets, needles, a thimble and fishline, and we sewed in a plastic “window” into my back car window. I sat in the backseat inside the car, and he was outside the car. It was tricky because the broken glass lining the opening was on the outside, so Scott had to be careful not to nick his fingers. I would push the needle through my side, he would grab it on the outside and push it back through to me. This took a few hours, but we had a good time talking and doing this project. When it was finished it looked pretty darn good for a couple of amateurs. Then we went to grab lunch at DuPar’s. After that we went to Fry’s to look for some equipment, but as usual, Fry’s didn’t have what I wanted in stock. This was just not my week. Off to Best Buy. They had the items I needed in stock and after spending a LOT of money, we left with the goods. I got home and found that Sassie had left me a bunch of little surprises on the living room floor. Boy, some days you just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over your head! But I cleaned everything up just in time for movie night. In fact, I was trying to remove all the dog hair that had gotten caught in my vacuum, and I slit my middle finger of my left hand with an exacto knife. That was it! I was putting on my pajamas and relaxing the rest of the night. It was a great evening though. We watched another episode of ‘Twin Peaks,’ and then we watched the original “King Kong” on Blu Ray. It was amazing to see! I love that movie!
Sunday the 17th – I GOT HIGH! – I slept until mid-afternoon then got ready for rehearsal at evening church. My pal Bruce Kulick was coming to church to play guitar for our group. I sang the old 70’s classic “Spirit in the Sky” and Bruce kicked ass on guitar. One of the greatest finds of this Halloween season at It’s a Wrap was a red satin shirt with rhinestones on the front, and the name JESUS in rhinestones on the back. I bought one for my friend Alex, a musician who tours all over the country playing at churches, and when I found a second one I bought it for me. I knew it would come in handy someday. Since it was a song from the 70’s, and our group needed a little more sparkle, I put the shirt on as we started the song. But I put it on so nobody could see the back. At one point in the song I turned around and everyone saw the rhinestone studded JESUS on the back and everyone loved it. I love that church, and all the people who go there. It’s always such a celebratory spirit. People there really ‘get it!” After church it was dinner with a bunch of friends, including Bruce and his girlfriend Lisa, Sara, Edi and others. I got home and it had started to sprinkle pretty good. Glad I had my plastic up in my back car window! Only a little water had leaked into my car from the outside, so I felt like I was doing pretty well. I got home and took a soak in the jacuzzi. It was sprinkling gently, and the cool water spritzing my face was a stark contrast to the hot water I was soaking in. I sat there relaxing, enjoying the cool mist, thinking about the great evening we had with good food and good friends, feeling the bubbles on my lower back, floating lazily in the water….and I got really high. Life can do that sometimes, even when you’ve had a really bad week. My lows aren’t very low, but my highs are really high. And that’s the way I like it. (No sign of my friend Johnny Mantis, by the way) I came inside totally happy and relaxed, almost euphoric! I did some auditions, and thought about my upcoming trip to Memphis and all the fun we were going to have in Elvis’ town.
And how was YOUR week?!?!!
