Archive for September, 2012

September 24 – September 30 (2012)


Do ya feel lucky, punk? Here’s my newest acquisition, which I’ll finalize in October. It’s the same gun Dirty Harry used, but unlike his which was blued, this one is stainless steel. It’s a .44 magnum.

Rickey Minor and the Tonight Show Band always plays this song during commercial breaks, and they do a superb job. I had never heard the original version, so I brought it up on i-Tunes and bought it. Catchy song! It’s“Green Light” by John Legend and Andre 3000.

Monday the 24th – WELCOME SQUIRT! – I got to sleep fairly late, but got a hotline call from my agent asking me to be at Kalmenson and Kalmenson for an audition later that afternoon. I got another call a few minutes later from another one of my agents asking me to be into NBC early to record a comedy bit for “The Tonight Show.” So I got up and at ‘em. I headed into NBC and recorded the bit, then sped off to Kalmenson in Burbank and did the audition. I grabbed a quick bite at the McDonald’s drive-thru, and then went over to Gun World to pick up my new gun. It’s a Kahr .380 that’s only 4.5” long. Normally handguns that small are a .25 or .32 caliber, but Kahr figured out a way to get a .380 caliber bullet in a comparable body size. In California you have a 10 day waiting period, and the one for this one was up last Saturday. So I grabbed the new little gun (I call him “Squirt” because it’s really no bigger than a squirt gun) and started to head out, but something told me to go into the back room. And there it was! A beautiful Smith & Wesson Model 29 revolver! The same kind of gun Dirty Harry used in the films. And yes, it’s a .44 Magnum! Except Dirty Harry’s was black, and this one is stainless steel. But there’s a stupid law in California that says if you buy a new gun, you have to wait 30 days before you can be eligible to buy another new gun. Why is it stupid? Because the same kind of law doesn’t apply to used guns. I can buy as many of those as I want and I only have to wait for a period of 10 days for the background check. Utterly and undeniably stupid. But that’s government for you! No logic at all. So I put some money down on “Harry” to hold him until October 12 when I can buy him legally. I really do wonder sometimes how the elected officials in this state got to be elected to those jobs and entrusted with running out state. Well, that might explain why California is on the verge of bankruptcy and total insolvency. Los Angeles has the same problem, incidentally. So clearly idiocy isn’t exclusive to the statewide level. I got back to NBC and we taped “TTS.” On the way home I picked up my mail and sped home to win an eBay auction. Sara had taken my dog Roxy in to be groomed earlier in the day, so I stopped at the groomer’s to get Roxy. When I got home Sara had picked up the flyers for this Sunday’s Blessing of the Animals at my church. I had some flyers made up to pass around to people who may be interested in participating with their pets. Then I grabbed a nap. I slept a long time! When I got up I spent all night doing work, I stepped out to get some groceries, I did some auditions, then I watched another episode of “Kojak” from the second season DVD set.

Tuesday the 25th – SLIPPERY SPOOK! – I was awakened by Roxy who wanted to cuddle with me on the bed for a while. I got up to meet with the carpet cleaners from Chem Dry. Roxy was feeling better now after her bout with a bacterial thing in her tummy, but the carpets needed a good cleaning as a result. The carpet guys have to run a big hose from their truck (which they park outside the back of my house by the garage) and that involves the door to my garage to be open a little bit. I wanted to make sure my cat Spook wouldn’t try to run off (not that he would) so I looked for him to close him in an area where I knew he’d be safe. I found him and chased after him with some urgency, which he mistook for either a trip to the vet, a trip to the groomer to get his nails trimmed, or that he was in trouble of some sort. Darn if that cat can hide in odd places! He ran off and I had no idea where he went. I looked everywhere! I even went outside to look around. I had to go to “TTS,” so I had my assistant Sara come over and see if she could locate him after the carpet guys left. I was panicked! Shortly after I got to NBC Sara texted me and said she found him hiding under one of the display cases in the Puppet Room. He must’ve heard the noise of the carpet cleaning machine and refused to come out. Whew! On the show were Ann Romney and Seth MacFarlane. I gotta hand it to the talent bookers! Two more opposite people you’ll never find, so it really keeps things interesting. When the show was wrapped I came home to relax, take a dip in the Jacuzzi and nap a little bit. I got up to do auditions and then got ready for bed. I knew the nap was a bad idea, since I had to be up early for Garfield the next morning.

Wednesday the 26th – MICHAEL IN ‘DA HOUSE! – Since I took a nap the night before, I had to force myself to go to bed to try and get a few hours of sleep before my wake-up call to be at Garfield. I really only got a few hours of sleep, and when I woke up my back was hurting. Plus Spook was walking all over me wanting me to wake up and give him some food and pets. Roxy was also restless. So I dragged myself out of bed and got ready to head to Buzzy’s for another session for “The Garfield Show,” season 4. We had a fun time, as usual, and then I got home to help my friend Edi’s son Josh with an audition. I just had enough time to walk Roxy quickly, and then speed off to “TTS.” After the show wrapped, I went to my chiropractor to get cracked and crunched, grabbed some Taco Bell, and made it home to meet my effects guy Jim Ojala. He had been working on a life-size Michael Myers mannequin, and tonight was when he was delivering. It looked spectacular. Only a few minor adjustments had to be made, and my pal Sergio needs to come do some work with the hair, but all in all it looked great! Very menacing! I fed and walked Roxy, feed Spook, and then grabbed a nap. I was beat! I got up for my auditions, some work around the house, and another “Kojak” episode.

Thursday the 27th – HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEG! – My sister Peggy’s birthday is today. I won’t tell you her age because she may never speak to me again if I do. I got a hotline call to record two comedy bits for “TTS” in my home studio. I walked Roxy and when I got back inside I got another call to redo one of the bits. Just as I was finishing up that and e-mailing it in, my agent called again and asked me to be in at 1:45 to “TTS” to record another bit in-person. Plus I had an “outside” audition to be at around 12:30. It was going to be tight! So I dashed into the shower, hit the road and made the audition for Capitol One just in time. It was all the way down in the mid-city area so I was praying the traffic was decent. But no rest for the wicked, as I head to race back to Burbank for my 1:45 call time at “TTS.” I got there and recorded two comedy bits. Liam Neeson was the guest, and the bit that I recorded at my house earlier in the day aired that night. It was a parody of Liam’s hit movie “Taken,” which had him as a replacement ref looking for a job. The title was “Mistaken!” It was cool to voice a bit with Liam Neeson in it. He’s big freakin’ time! When the show was over I went to the bank to make a deposit, grabbed Taco Bell (again!), and went home to walk Roxy and feed Spook. My pal Edi and my assistant Sara dropped by for a little bit. Then I took a dip in the Jacuzzi again, grabbed a nap on the couch for a few hours, and got up late in the evening to do my auditions. But something really weird happened! An absolute career first for me. One of the auditions sent three YouTube links for the auditioning actors to listen to. The specs of the spot called for a typical “late-night TV talk show announcer.” Hmmm… I went to the links and hit the first one. It was Andy Richter announcing the Conan show. The second link was the announcer for Letterman back in 1987. And the third link…you guessed it…WAS ME! I’m being asked to reference my OWN voice for an audition? Too weird! I sent my agent a note and told her the funny coincidence. Apparently she hadn’t had time to listen to the references before sending them out to the actors. But that’s honestly the first time in my history that I’ve ever been given audition copy and asked to sound like me. Strange.

Friday the 28th – DOGGIE DREAM?! – My hotline rang and woke me up with instructions to be into “TTS” at 1:45 for a bit, plus there was a piece of comedy copy waiting for me in my inbox. I got up, recorded it and e-mailed it in, and walked Roxy. Terry came over to start doing some work on my house, and my pal Electric Bob also came over to discuss a bathroom remodeling job I’m considering. My master bathroom is no longer suiting my needs, so I think it’s time to update it. I’m hoping for a huge black Jacuzzi tub/shower combo, a nice toilet with bidet, plenty of storage space, and all in a black and chrome color scheme. At least that’s the plan anyway. But I had to dash off to make work in time. I got to NBC and recorded two bits, then I went to the bank to sign some papers. I grabbed a quick lunch at Burger King (chicken parmesan sandwich…YUM!) and then went back to NBC to tape the show. I was really looking forward to the weekend as it’s been a VERY busy week! We finished the show and I got home and rested for a bit. Edi, Brittney and Sara met me at Miceli’s for dinner, and we had a great time. Then I went home and did a few things around the house. Earlier I showed Brittney the Michael Myers figure and she said it would have scared her, except for the fact that he looked cross-eyed. Oh my gosh, he DID! It’s a phenomenon that sometimes happens with masks. When the eyeholes are cut in such a way that they’re further apart that your actual eyes are. They used to kid Adam West about that on the set of “Batman” all the time. The eyeholes were further apart that Adam’s actual eyes were. And when you can’t see the whites in the inner corners of the eyes, the mask’s eyeholes make you look cross-eyed. So I texted my effects guy Jim to come by with some little scissors and trim the inner corners of the mask’s eyeholes. I was sitting at the computer watching selected scenes from the newly released DVD “Van Dyke and Company.” It was the first time I had become aware of Andy Kaufman on prime-time TV. Boy watching those shows sure brought back some memories! What a genius! I also saw my pal Chuck McCann in some of the sketches. And as the ending credits rolled, I noticed that one of the assistants on the show was my pal Shelley Herman! TOO COOL! But as I sat at the computer around 2:30am, I heard a low growl. I looked down into the living room and saw Roxy sitting on one of the beanbags, staring into the Northeast corner of my living room…growling. Then she started a very agitated barking. Growling, then barking, and growling again. All the while staring into the corner of the living room. CREEPY! I’ve never heard her do that before! I’ve heard that sometimes dogs will wake up out of a dream, and not quite know they’re back in reality again. At least I hope that’s the case! I spent some time updating my database, and planning out my Saturday night movie nights through the end of 2012. The James Bond 50th anniversary Blu Ray set has come out, so I think we’ll be watching a Bond a week for the next 22 weeks. Then I hit the hay and watched another “Kojak” episode and got to sleep around 6am Saturday morning.

Saturday the 29th – ENOUGH WITH THE HOT ALREADY! – I got up around 11am to wait for my maids. I napped on and off until they showed up at 12:30, and as they cleaned Planet Wallywood, my pal Jim Ojala came over and we worked on opening up the eyeholes in the Michael Myers mask. Jim’s a genius, because they ended up looking perfect! That’s not the kind of thing you want to screw up! Because if you do it wrong on a rubber mask, there’s no going back! I had a few hours to grab a nap, so I slept until 6:30pm. I got up to get some groceries with Sara to restock for movie night. We watched “Raiders of the Lost Ark” on Blu Ray, followed by “Horror Express” on Blu Ray. I know “H.E.” pretty well because we used that as the subject of our pilot for “Uncle Davver’s Really Scary Movie Show.” As the movie played I kept hearing some of our funny commentary in my head and I couldn’t help but laugh. But I kept it to myself so I wouldn’t bug the others watching the film. When everyone left I did some work around the house, dishes, laundry, cleaning up, etc. I checked the Sunday forecast on the internet before going to bed, and it looks like we’re in for another heatwave for the next few days! CRAP! Enough already! Bring on the fall weather! My church’s Blessing of the Animals is set for Sunday afternoon at 4pm, and they’re saying it could be close to 100 degrees! EEK! I’m SO over this hot weather. And my dog Roxy’s brother and littermate Lassie (aka Junior) will be our special guest at the Blessing ceremony. I’m hoping it won’t be too hot for Lassie. Speaking of Roxy, I took her out for a nice, long walk at 3am under a clear, starry sky…and a beautiful full moon. It was nice and cool out and we had a lot of fun. We came inside and I made her some dinner, made a giant salad for myself, and then we hit the hay to watch “Kojak.”

Sunday the 30th – BLESS THE BEASTS AND THE CHILDREN! – I got up around noon and took Roxy out. My fears had been confirmed. It was HOT! I was hoping it would cool off over the next few hours for the big Blessing of the Animals at church. I went back to bed for a few hours, and then got up and got ready. I threw Roxy in the air conditioned car and drove to church. I saw my pal Carol Riggins and Lassie walking in front of the church. Roxy was glad to see her again, and she even gave Junior a kiss. Roxy really missed them! Carol’s husband and daughter were there to help out. Luckily, the church had set up some tent-like canopies which helped provide some shade. The doggies began to arrive. It looked like there was going to be a pretty good crowd, even though it was pretty hot outside. A good time was had by all, and it was a VERY successful first outing for the church’s Blessing of the Animals. A few of the doggies had some minor problems with each other, but after a few small barks and growls, it was all settled. Pastors Jefferson, Louise and Bob set up blessing stations around the courtyard after a small ceremony, and people brought their animals to them for a quick blessing. The majority of the animals were dogs, and I saw one cat (in a very safe carrying case), a turtle and a rooster! It was awesome! After it was over I met Carol’s family and Lassie at Paty’s for dinner. They have a dog-friendly patio and I’ve been aching to take Roxy there. We were also joined by my friend Alex and her dog Lady, Edi and her dog Bunny, and Sara. What a great time! Great food and great company! I got home just in time to get on eBay for the closing of an auction I had been watching. The lot was a set of Laurel and Hardy figures from 1973. I had some just like them when I was 13 (I got them for Christmas) and I wanted to get another set. I actually bought a set about 10 years ago, but the set was missing the record playing pedestal that is supposed to come with them. You put in a little record and push a button, and Laurel and Hardy talk. I sat down at the computer and signed into eBay. The auction was just about over and I put in my high bid. But then the unthinkable happened! I got the spinning wheel of DOOM! OH NO! I yelled at the computer, “C’MOOOOON!” Then it gave me a screen to confirm my bid. I clicked it again and you guessed it! The spinning wheel of doom again. Well, by the time my stupid internet went through, the auction as over. CRAP! Ever since I ditched DSL for cable I’ve had problems like this. I’m wondering if I did the right thing. What the heck!? I thought this new-fangled internet thingie was supposed to be the end-all be-all of the future of movies and communication. BAH! The internet has a LOOOONG way to go before I place that much faith in it. I was pissed! Oh well, it must not have been meant to be. My pal Amanda came over for a quick visit, then I got busy with work around the house. I had an audition to do, some laundry to finish, and Wally’s Week to write. STUPID EBAY! STUPID INTERNET! There, I said it.

And how was YOUR week??


Pastor Alfredo and a young friend meets Lassie!

Micki looks as if she’s hypnotized Lassie!

People began to gather in the courtyard for the Blessing of the Animals.

Roxy patiently waits her turn to be blessed.

Lots of dogs, but there were a few cats, a turtle and a rooster named Dinner

My pal Edi with Rocky and Bunny

Bunny blessed by Bob!

It’s Roxy’s turn to be blessed by Pastor Bob.

My friend Edi’s dog Rocky has his turn!

Rocky looks to be having a super time!

Lady and Lassie! My pal Alex brought her little Lady to the festivities.

Pastor Bob meets the special guest of the Blessing of the Animals…LASSIE!

Lassie looks up with humility as Pastor Bob offers a blessing.

Special Guest Lassie officially opens the Blessing of the Animals ceremony with a special scroll!

Lassie closes the ceremony with a special prayer.

Bentley offers up a favorable review at the conclusion of The Blessing of the Animals!